Thursday, September 20, 2007

Therapy Time

I am sitting here at my desk barely holding the tears at bay. Christa and her parents are taking David to the airport in Atlanta as I type this. He flies back to base tonight in order to be there by noon tomorrow when his leave is over. He will find out the final plans tomorrow but as far as I know he will be heading out either Tuesday or Wednesday.
It seemed that as long as he was either here or with Christa, the "real" wasn't happening. I feel like I just cut the final string and my heart is torn to bits. I don't think I have fallen completely apart yet so unfortunately the worst is yet to come for you poor people who read this!!
I have all the favorite "sayings" down pat like - "God knows what is happening" and "He hasn't promised more than we can handle" and "Just trust in God" and all the other ones I can't think of right now. However, right now - I can't wrap my brain or my heart around the fact that my son is going to war. I can't picture him riding on top of a hummer with a 50 cal gun in his hand. I can't stomach the idea of him being cold for winter is coming or not hearing from him like I am used to. Of course there is always the fear that he will be bored and when he gets bored the world has no idea what can happen!!
So - here I sit. Tears are threatening like I can't imagine and the cold fear is starting to creep in. I know - sounds horrible doesn't it? Sorry - honesty is what I need right now. I have to unload this somewhere or my office mates are going to think they are working in an insane asylum!! I guess I just need to spout this off somewhere! If I were home, the situation would be different for Dave is the best supporter I have and I simply wouldn't survive without him.
Somehow I know that I will survive this and I have to be strong for my girls and Christa. Hopefully the next 7 months will fly by. That is what I am hanging onto right now. Thanks for "listening" and maybe before took long, I will have better stuff to post about and all will be bright and shiny again. Who knows? Miracles do happen!!


Anonymous said...

"God, Father of Freedom, look after that boy of mine, wherever he may be. Walk in upon him. Keep his mind stayed on Thee. Talk with him during the silent watches of the night, and spur him to bravery whenever called upon to face the cruel foe. Transfer my prayer to his heart, that he may know the lingering love I have bequeathed to him as an everlasting gift.

"Keep my boy contented and inspired by the never-dying faith in his mother’s God. He is my gift to freedom. May that freedom forever remain untarnished, God. Through the lonely and confusing hours of training and combat, and throughout all the long days of a hopeful victory, keep his spirit high and his purpose unwavering. Make him a proud pal to all with whom he comes in contact and make his influence a noonday light wherever his duty takes him. Satisfy the hunger of his soul with the knowledge of this daily prayer of mine.

"To my country, and to world freedom, O Heavenly Father, have I bequeathed this boy of mine. He is my choicest treasure. Take care of him, God. Keep him in health and sustain him under every possible circumstance of events. Warm him anew under his shelter and under the stars. Touch him with my smile of cheer and comfort and my full confidence in his every brave pursuit.

"Silent and alone, I pray, God, but I am only one of millions of mothers, whose prayers stream day and night to You. This is our Gethsemane. Lead us victoriously through it, God. And lead that boy of mine through his. Fail him not ... and may he not fail You, his country, nor his mother. Thank you, God." (Courtesy of Leatherneck Magazine)

My heart is hurting for you today and I can feel your pain and anxiety through these office walls. Hang on, girlfriend!!! All will be well!!

Love you!

Lady J said...

Leah, I have prayed for our family all day. Lean hard on Him. The prayer Donna posted is beautiful. I found comfort in it and I hope you do to.
"Aunt" Jan

Linda S said...

Dear Leah,
We have just gotten home from the airport. I never expected to have the heart wrenching sobs I have. I have fallen in love with my "new son" and now I feel this pain that only time and God will heal. We love you all.

Vonnie said...

We will be praying for David and your family constantly!!!

Julie Waggoner said...

We will be thinking of you and praying for you!!!! May the next 7 months fly by!!!!
Julie W

Angie Davis said...

Thanks for sharing so honestly with us. Your blog has probably added dozens to the number of prayers going up for David each day.

Anonymous said...

Leah...I want you to know that I too am praying for you and your family...and especially David!
Praying God will hold you close to him!!
Love ya,

maryellenhuff said...

Oh Leah - while my three sons are much to young to do anything more than just "play" soldier the Mommy in me can feel a little of your pain through your blog and I can only imagine how gut wrenching it much be to watch your son go off to war. I'm glad you have a medium to just be honest about your feelings and that you don't feel like you have to just put on a happy face! There are no "magical words" that anyone can say to make you feel better but I just want you to know that we are, and will be, praying for David and your family during the coming days, weeks and months.

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you and hope the time goes quickly.

~Heather~ said...

Dearest Leah,
I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now! THIS MUST BE SOOOO HARD! I wanted to leave you a note that I'm praying for David, Christa and your family every day!!!

Love, Heather =)

floridabozonebunch said...

There is nothing like a good cry to ease the pain. In times like these I am sure all of the saying just don't seem to make sense. It must be so hard to let go with your hands when your heart still holds on. I definitely have not been through this, but you must know that we really do care about what your family is dealing with.

Jennifer said...

I just happened across your blog and can't believe David is old enough to be in the military! When I was at HSBC he was in middle school. We will be praying for him and also you. As a new mommy I can't even imagine what you must be feeling! You're in our prayers!

Beth said...

I will be praying for you and your family. . .Tim's nephew just got back. . .and I know some of what you are going through..

Queen Essie said...

I received this prayer in an e-mail a few days ago & kept the e-mail because I just thot it said things so nicely. When I was reading your troubled thots, my mind jumped back to the e-mail & so maybe this will bring you a bit of encouragement!
"Today, God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and pains, because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down. He will fulfill His promises.

I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me... 'My child! What can I do for you?' And I said, 'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message'... God smiled and answered... 'Request granted.'"
Love, Esther

Nicole Cassady said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers! Still can't believe that little boy from Yearly Meeting is now a man fighting for our freedom. We will be forever indebted to him and to his family. God be with you all-till you meet again!

LaDonna said...

I can't begin to understand the pain you must be feeling, but I do appreciate your willingness to let him go. Not an easy task, but one that we are all benefitting from as he fights for our country! Thank YOU! He is in our famiy prayer every night.

~Heather~ said...

Leah, You have been tagged in a game of blog tag, go to my blog for more details. =)

Love, Heather =)

Nicole Cassady said...

YOU have been "tagged!"
Please visit my blog for details!

Liz said...

We of course remember David when we lived in Hobe and Christa from our Pell City days as well as the wonderful families attached to both. He is in my prayers and so are you all in this very difficult time! Love the Barrs...