As I sit at the desk today (supposed to be doing school work), I am looking out the window at a very white world. Our little house has been surrounded by snow and not just ordinary snow either. This stuff is a hard mix of snow and sleet and is shoveled away in chunks. There is no work for me today, Dave is out shoveling for his boss and Ashley is still tucked in bed with her computer.
Last week, our church was in revival with John Parker. Needless to say, I was convicted every single night and from that has come some serious soul searching. Bro. Parker's first message was about not "quenching the Spirit" and it spoke volumes to me. Another message he preached was about "be BEING filled with the Spirit". This message helped me so much in this way. Now, this will call for some serious transparency but here goes anyway. For years, I felt that true Holiness was directly tied to how well I kept my house cleaned and perfect, how well I kept the laundry done up, how many delicious, "homemade", well-balanced meals I cooked for my family, how "perfect" my hair was done, how well-behaved and well-mannered and smart my kids were. You get the picture I am sure. Let's just say, I was one messed up in the head female. My dear husband and I have had many conversations on this topic and he has often told me that he loved my messed up female head but that I really needed to FIX my messed up head! Anyway, God spoke to me that night and helped me clear some of these messed up issues in my life. But through all that, I must admit that spiritual growth can be quite painful at times and not a bit comfortable. As God has shown me item after item in my life that He wants changed, it has caused me no small amount of pain as I have tried to commit each and every issue back into His hands. The awesome thing for me is this - I get the privilege of CONTINUING to grow in HIS time. See - BEING filled with the Spirit is an ongoing process and for me, I think I go at a total different pace than anyone else does and according to God, that is ok with Him!
This morning, I started reading a book by Max Lucado called "It's Not About Me". Within the first couple of pages, I ran across this statement and was rather shocked at its application to me right now. He says, "....the world does not revolve around us. Our comfort is not God's priority. If it is, something's gone awry". God does not intend for my life to be a bed of roses. Instead, growing and drawing close to Him can be painful but what I tend to lose sight of is the end result. So, my ongoing growth, while painful, is something I am willing to work through in order to become all about Him and nothing about me.